Tag: puns (Page 18 of 19)

I was on a road-trip with friends, and we drove past a town with a sizable graveyard.

“You know, the people who live in this town can never be buried in this cemetery,” said Jason. He’d lived in the town as a child, but never said much about it.

Spooked, we asked him why.

“Well, they’re still living, aren’t they?”

Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded ?

There was nothing left but de brie.

A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon finding a suitable one, he started to swing at it with his axe.

Right before he connected, it shouted. “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack smiled. “Well, you will dialogue”.

What is the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

‌‌I wa‌‌s walkin‌‌g wit‌‌h m‌‌y girlfrien‌‌d whe‌‌n ‌‌a rando‌‌m gu‌‌y whistle‌‌d a‌‌t he‌‌r an‌‌d sai‌‌d, “Nic‌‌e ass.” Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s clearl‌‌y annoye‌‌d an‌‌d demande‌‌d ‌‌I sa‌‌y something.

S‌‌o ‌‌I turne‌‌d to him an‌‌d said, “Than‌‌k yo‌‌u, I’v‌‌e bee‌‌n doin‌‌g squats.”

The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired.

What do you call an argument between two vegans?

A plant-based beef.

My professor accused me of plagiarizing.

His words, not mine.

My girlfriend is fed up with my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, “How can I stop my addiction?”

“Whatever means necessary,” she replied.

“No it doesn’t,” I said.