Musings from Singapore
Tag: life
It’s harder than you think.
With this blog, I had planned to put out one post per week (not counting the dad jokes).
I say ‘had’, because I failed to put something up last week. I’d had a tough week, and although I still could’ve put something together, I decided not to.
… which was actually pretty tough. And here’s why:
1. Money
I can be a bit of a tightwad sometimes, especially with myself. I’m the kind of person who opens all the ASOS sales emails, puts a bunch of stuff on my wishlist, then closes the tab.
“Maybe later,” I’ll tell myself. But then the items inevitably go out of stock.
(That’s some money-saving life hacks there, btw)
The point I’m trying to make is, if I spend on myself, I try to get my money’s worth. This site cost money to put up, and even if it frankly isn’t all that expensive, I paid for it, goddammit.
2. Principle
Specifically, the principle of this whole affair. I made the decision to start up this site, and I finish what I start, for better or worse. My plate or rice bowl is always clear at the end of meals.
As a child, I remember being constantly chided for not finishing things I began. It has had some… leftover effects. I suppose it isn’t the worst habit to have had ingrained into me, but sometimes it does feel like baggage.
But anyway, there is that sense of responsibility to see something through.
3. Making up for lost time
I’ve moved real slow.
I spent my poly days doing the square root of nothing. School holidays were an unhealthy cycle of World of Warcraft, late nights, and bad diets.
I spent the first couple years of my work life trying to convince myself that writing wasn’t a viable full-time role.
I feel like I’ve been rushing the past couple years, to make up for all the time I’ve pissed away over the course of my life.
That kind of desire extends to this blog – I’d actually wanted to do this since around mid-2018, but didn’t even start till May this year. Now that it’s up, I want to at least make it something that breeds personal satisfaction. Neglecting it, even for just one week – feelsbadman.
‘Done is better than perfect’ is such a cliche, but I need to keep reminding myself of it. It can be tough sometimes, especially when I have my own personal standards and quality levels to live up to in my full-time job – it’s a delicate mental balancing act.
Maybe it’s an Asian thing, maybe it’s just the realities of wanting to build a comfortable future with my girlfriend, but I can never quite make myself completely relax anymore. I need that edge to keep pushing myself forward.
Deciding to not write last week hurt, and sometimes I wish it didn’t – but yet, I’m grateful it did.
What a terrible contradiction life is.
久しぶりね 。 / It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
“I might have a business trip to Singapore next week, wondering if you are up for a short meet up.”
July 2019 is a month of reconnecting.
I went overseas with my parents for the first time in… about a decade. I met an old ‘war buddy’ (long story) because I happened to be in the vicinity of her office after some work obligations. There are also upcoming meetups with friends I don’t see often, and I’m trying to set up a couple more.
The universe itself decided to put a cherry on top of the reunion sundae with the above message coming through on an otherwise unremarkable Tuesday night. This led to a catch-up with an old uni friend whom I hadn’t seen in four years (and hadn’t even been in contact with in any form for about eight months).
Our conversation flowed effortlessly, and it felt like any random dinner we used to have in Melbourne. ‘Feels like just yesterday only’, as she put it.
Different place, different time, but the exact same dynamics.
Personal mission
I think everyone agrees that friends like these are priceless gems, especially as we grow up and get busier with work and other #adulting responsibilities. Like it or not, we’re just not going to be able to keep up with everything that goes on with every friend we’ve ever made.
Sometimes that means friendships wither away, through no real fault of either party. But other times, it leads to pleasant reunions like the one I had – figurative time capsules that bring back what once was, like nothing ever changed.
Given the right circumstances, lightning in a bottle remains exactly that. We’ve just got to bring it out of storage every now and then to remember those special connections – which is what I’m aiming to do more of.
I’m a very private person. I’ve mentioned before about being an introvert, and I just generally don’t offer my time or effort to anyone I don’t think deserves it.
(That might make me sound real haughty, but it’s more about preserving my own energies than anything malicious.)
I do err too much on the side of caution, however. There are a fair number of people whom I wish I knew better or kept up to date with, and I’m making an effort to do so, now.
Gratia cantantes
I’ve been through some things in life that taught me to trust in no one by myself. There were some harsh times where the only instinct was survival, and I think it’s fair to say that some of that damage has never quite gone away, nor will it ever.
But I’m just trying to be better every day. And, ideally, I’d like to get there with a little help from my friends.
To those who have been around, thank you. To those that will enter, thanks in advance.
And I’ll do what I can to hold up my end of the bargain.
I got a migraine after taking in too much in a day.
I read a lot in a day. I kind of have to, it’s an (healthy) addiction of mine.
Now, this isn’t some kind of boast. I don’t necessarily read the most intellectual stuff – 90% of all that I read is basketball-related – but this does mean that I’m wired to receive only useful and/or interesting content.
Bang for buck matters. And even if the point or format of your article is long-form in nature, the journey had better be an absorbing one.
And yet, there are some avenues, which are supposed to be enlightening, that increasingly end in utter disappointment. I recently attended a few panel discussions at a large conference that left me with several instances of rolled eyes and lots of muttering under my breath.
I don’t think I’ve spent 1.5 hours so wastefully since my NS days. Luckily, my ticket was free.
The panels were an abhorrent mix of Captain Obvious’ greatest hits and a multitude of PR messaging*. I go to these things to learn, but I did. not. get. a. single. piece. of. useful. information.
(*PR messaging is basically what communications departments tell their spokespeople to push when they’re on stage: stuff like key stats and figures, and one or two key pointers such as “champion data sharing” or “emphasize our community development efforts”)
It was like being in a one-way conversation in which I was just a receptacle for gibberish. And maybe it’s just me, but I actually have a physical reaction to an overload of this kind of crap – I got a headache that night, and I at least partially attribute it to the frustration I felt.
I feel that the best learning opportunities are those in which you are an active participant. Conversation-making ability is incredibly valuable – it gets the other party involved.
And although you might say that that doesn’t apply to panel discussions or keynotes, I’d argue that it does, because in either case, there’s an audience. And a quick Google search for public speaking tips will always bring up the pointer that it’s all about the audience. You may be doing all the talking, but the content is for them.
There’s a greater onus on the speaker(s) to not talk out of their ass or just vomit out stats and figures. I can look those up on a computer on my own.
People need to think about what they want to say before they go out and do it. It has to be useful or at least entertaining, because even going neutral is a failure by default – the audience’s time would have been wasted.
Speaking isn’t easy – I wish I could do it better, myself. But I hope people come to realize that just having an agreeable accent or subject matter knowledge isn’t enough; if they aren’t sharing anything useful, it’s a bad talk.
And I really don’t need more headaches in my life.
They’re really cool, but also not. But they kinda are.
Today I attended a networking event I signed up for a week ago. It wasn’t something I was prepared for.
I’m quite the introvert, so I can’t do these things at the drop of a hat. Sure, I had a week to mentally prep, but I didn’t really – it’s been a very busy couple weeks and I didn’t have time to think about such things. Because of that, the event had the ‘crept up on me’ vibe to it.
So I went more in hope than anything. It helped that a colleague of mine, Imran, went as well. He’s been in sales for a few years, so this sort of thing is way more up his street. I just followed his lead, really.
I’ve been to such events before, I’ve managed events before, and the energy this time around was the same as always. And really, it’s that energy that makes these things so cool to me. It’s the feeling of opportunity – but what that means exactly depends on you.
And here’s where I tend to get done in.
As someone who likes reading and writing stories for the sake of it (not every piece of writing needs to be selling something), I’m more interested to get to know people – why they’re here, what they’re trying to achieve, what their journey has been. What they’re like as people, even. But of course, chances are most people are there for business, some more straightforward about it than others.
I just want to talk about the things that make them laugh, or infuriate them. Memes, anyone?
In that sense, I do feel a little out of place at times. I prefer slow-paced, in depth conversation, not the professional equivalent of speed dating.
(It doesn’t help that I’m terrible at thinking on my feet.)
That said, I feel like it’s just a matter of getting in more reps. I’m new in my place in life, and there’s something definitely to be said about how being more comfortable in where exactly you stand plays a part in how you project yourself. You are what you feel.
With time, reps, and some fine-tuning, I believe I’ll get there one day soon. I want some of that energy; it really is quite addictive.
Oh, and free pork katsu sandwiches don’t hurt either.
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