Musings from Singapore

Tag: dog

Dad Joke #21: Let sleeping dogs lie

A man is driving along a country road and sees a sign which says: “$5 for talking dog, take next left.”

Thinking this is some sort of joke, the man decides to check it out. So the man takes the left onto a a farm, and a farmer comes out.

Farmer: “You here about the dog?”

Man: “Yeah, does the dog really talk?”

F: “Sure does, come here and I’ll show ya.”

The man and the farmer walk to the garage, where a dog is lying on a dog bed. It sees them and walks over to them.

F: “Go on, ask him anything.”

M: “Alright dog, tell me about yourself.”

To the man’s surprise, the dog begins to speak, clearly and with proper words!

Dog: “Well, when I was a young pup, I always wanted to serve my country. So, as soon as I could, I enlisted with the airport security as a sniffer dog. I was real good at my job too, got a few promotions and turned some heads. Eventually, the US army picked me up as a bomb-sniffer dog, and I helped prevent tragedies all across the country and oversees. After a while I retired, found myself a nice girl, had a few pups, and finally came to this farm to live out my golden years.”

The man is stunned. He turns to the farmer and says:

M: “Holy cow, you were right! Why are you only asking $5 for this dog?!”

F: “Cause he’s a liar! He ain’t ever done any of that!”

Dad Joke #12: Vets are expensive

A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary clinic. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry. Your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet.

“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$1,500!” she cried,“$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $1,500.”