Tom went to see the doctor.
Doctor: Sir, you have a bladder infection.
Tom: What does that mean for me?
Doctor: Urine trouble, sir.
Musings from Singapore
Tag: dad joke (Page 22 of 24)
You know what’s the easiest job in the world? Dressing up tuna in clothes and then taking pictures of them.
In other words, it’s shooting fish in apparel.
It’s a five-minute walk from my house to the pub.
However, It’s a thirty-five minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
The other day, my colleague told me that he was going to buy a pair of glasses that upcoming weekend.
‘Finally!’ I thought. This was someone who’d always had trouble with his eyesight.
I asked him what his plans were after getting the glasses.
“Then I’ll see.”
A man is driving along a country road and sees a sign which says: “$5 for talking dog, take next left.”
Thinking this is some sort of joke, the man decides to check it out. So the man takes the left onto a a farm, and a farmer comes out.
Farmer: “You here about the dog?”
Man: “Yeah, does the dog really talk?”
F: “Sure does, come here and I’ll show ya.”
The man and the farmer walk to the garage, where a dog is lying on a dog bed. It sees them and walks over to them.
F: “Go on, ask him anything.”
M: “Alright dog, tell me about yourself.”
To the man’s surprise, the dog begins to speak, clearly and with proper words!
Dog: “Well, when I was a young pup, I always wanted to serve my country. So, as soon as I could, I enlisted with the airport security as a sniffer dog. I was real good at my job too, got a few promotions and turned some heads. Eventually, the US army picked me up as a bomb-sniffer dog, and I helped prevent tragedies all across the country and oversees. After a while I retired, found myself a nice girl, had a few pups, and finally came to this farm to live out my golden years.”
The man is stunned. He turns to the farmer and says:
M: “Holy cow, you were right! Why are you only asking $5 for this dog?!”
F: “Cause he’s a liar! He ain’t ever done any of that!”
There’s a gang of criminals going around lately. Their crime is highly peculiar – they just keep stealing the wheels of parked police cars.
The police are working tirelessly to catch them.
There was once an old man who lived by a forest.
As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting.
“Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now,” he said. “My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they’ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my head.”
“Every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory,” he pleaded his children. “Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.”
So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was.
All because of one man and his re-seeding heir line.
Did you know that cowboys smoke marijuana?
It’s true, they do. The only difference is that they don’t roll joints.
They tumble weed.
A fly feels a bug on its back.
“Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?”
“I mite be,” the mite replies, giggling.
The fly groans. “That’s the worst pun I’ve ever heard,” he laments.
“What do you expect? I came up with it on the fly.”
I was thinking:
If a parent is trying to put his child to sleep and the child is refusing, wouldn’t it be illegal because technically the child is resisting a rest?
But then I realized it’s a lose-lose situation and it’s illegal either way because if the child willingly goes to sleep it makes it a kid napping.
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