I shed tears. Well, almost did, anyway.

Avengers: Endgame is out, and the spoiler ban was lifted on 6 May. All the reviews and Easter egg hunts are done and over with, and now I think it’s time to look at it through more personal lenses.

Apparently many people shed tears watching Endgame. I mean, the Google results for ‘cried during avengers endgame’ speak for themselves:

I wasn’t too different – I didn’t straight up bawl, but my eyes did get watery at a few points, each of them for quite different reasons. Let’s get into them.

(Why am I trying to be clever by saying ‘3.5 times’? Well, you’ll see.)

1. Guardians of the Galaxy, Redux

The first instance… prompted happy tears. War Machine and Nebula’s trip back in time (and through space) to Morag gave us a different POV on Star-Lord’s little trip to get the Power Stone, and the opportunity to relive the beginning of what is probably the happiest corner of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

The GotG are hands down the best part of the MCU for me, and I’m looking forward to a third movie for these goofballs, now with 100% more God of Thunder.

2. Iron Man and Spider-Man meeting again

This was the easy one. I bet everyone cried here.

I went back to watch Spider-Man: Homecoming after Endgame, and it was plain to see that their relationship and how it played out was planned out meticulously from the very beginning. Tony Stark was pretty clear in saying and showing that he was taking a huge bet on Peter Parker back then – it was a leap of faith for him that you could tell he was never 100% sure about. He was always worried for Spidey.

Peter was pretty much his biggest motivation in coming back to the Avengers after initially brushing them off. He had a family and a quiet life away from all of that business. He totally could have chosen to stay away and it would have been fine and completely understandable. But losing Peter was the one wrong he absolutely had to right.

Their relationship, from the overall arc and down to the littlest details like the hug, was very well done. Very neat, very *chef’s kiss*

2.5. The cavalry has arrived

Probably another easy one. When the Dr. Strange sparky circle thingies started appearing and all the various heroes and armies showed up at the final battle, that was just great timing, in terms of the ebb and flow of the fight.

I started tearing at this but caught myself, thinking ‘nah this is just cool, not emotional’ – that’s why it gets just 0.5. But yeah, still pretty sweet.

The ‘Avengers Assemble’ line was pretty much compulsory, but I always felt it to be a clunky line, so its impact is lost on me.

3. Thor is still worthy

This one. This one is the one I feel like only I really felt.

I’ll be the first to admit that I never found much of the Asgard stuff very interesting – I don’t think the Thor movies did a good job of showing why we should give a toss about the place. We only ever saw the ‘highlight’ characters (Thor, Loki, Odin, etc.), and we never got the chance to understand what life is like for the Asgardians. We never had the chance to relate to them, so there was no way we would feel too much for them even as their home world got destroyed.

They did a damn fine job with Thor though. Changing him from a serious, straight man into a joker goofball was a great decision, and they didn’t do it at the expense of the integrity of his character.

Anyway, I think the reason I felt most strongly about this scene was because I relate to it very much. As with everyone else, I’ve had my share of ups and downs; during the valleys, I sometimes wonder if the peaks were all just illusions – whether I deserved any of that happiness.

When you’re at the lowest of the low, getting affirmation that you’re still a person worthy of respect, of love, is the greatest pick-me-up you could hope for.

I’ve felt like Thor before; I’m sure I’ll feel it again. Keeping the faith that I’ll always be worthy as long as my heart doesn’t lose its way is sometimes all that keeps me going. Seeing Thor get affirmation via Mjolnir was the cinematic, fictional representation of that. I understood it.

I felt it.

***

I do, of course, have other thoughts on Endgame, but I doubt they’re too interesting to get into. Suffice to say, I enjoyed it, and I’m now curious about how they intend to continue the MCU.

Just give me more Guardians and I’ll be happy.