Jeff rubs a magic lamp and the genie grants him 3 wishes.
Genie: “What will be your first wish?”
Jeff: “I want to be rich.”
Genie: “Granted. What will be your second wish?”
Rich: “I want a lot of money.”
Musings from Singapore
Category: Dad Jokes (Page 24 of 24)
I just had two police officers at my front door.
Police officers: “Are you familiar with the initials HB?”
Me: “No.”
Police officers: “How about LS?”
Me: “No.”
Police officers: “’What about JD?”
Me: “No. Wait, am I in trouble for something? What’s going on?
Police officers: “Oh don’t worry. These are just initial inquiries.”
I was on vacation in Spain with my wife.
In the evening of the second day, I started to feel funny. I had some pain in my chest and felt short of breath. I chalked it up to the long day we had just had, but I continued to feel worse. As we got out of the taxi and walked into the hotel, I collapsed.
It became apparent to my wife and I that I was having a heart attack. I thought for sure I would die because the nearest hospital was half an hour away. Suddenly from the back room came a woman wielding defibrillators. She shouted to the other staff to help and they ripped off my shirt and restarted my heart right there in the hotel.
The ambulance arrived 20 minutes later. Thanks to this amazing woman my life had been saved. I spent the night in the hospital but I got out around noon the next day. I went back to the hotel to thank this woman.
I said, “I’m amazed that a hotel this small has a full-time doctor as skilled as yourself!”
She replied, “No one expects the Spanish Inn physician.”
A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow:
Mind if I say a word?“ She says: “Please do.” The man clears his throat and says: “Plethora.” The widow replies: “Thanks, that means a lot.”
A woman had 100 children.
She sadly did not have the creativity to name them all unique names so she named each one a number from 1-100. One of them was named “One”, the next was “Two” and so on all the way to one hundred.
But, in a tragic accident, 99 of the children died. The only one who survived was the one named “Ninety”.
Ninety eventually grew up an lived a whole life and she even had a few children of her own. One day, while Ninety’s children were playing outside, they stumbled upon a stray dog and they decided to keep it. Ninety did not want the children to have a dog so they hid it and named it “This” so that they could talk about it around their mom without her knowing. They would say “Let’s go take This outside” and things like that behind their mom’s back.
One day, while Ninety’s children were not paying attention, This walks out into the middle of the street and gets hit by a car. This eventually dies and the children don’t tell their mother even then. No one else ever hears about This ever again.
Only Ninety’s kids remember This.
A man has the opportunity to win a million dollars if he can cross lake Superior in a 16 foot sailboat.
The people sponsoring the challenge give the man two choices of what he can bring on the boat to assist him. He can either bring a large box of novels or two criminals. However, the people running the competition get to choose what the books are and who the criminals are.
The man realizes there could be benefits to either choice. Perhaps the box of novels could be about sailing or survival. On the other hand the criminals could be experienced in sailing or survival.
He decides the most important thing about either is gonna be how heavy they are. He is going to be using a really small boat and too much weight could slow him down or cause him to sink.
In order to figure out which one will benefit him the most he decides to weigh the prose and cons.
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