Category: Blog (Page 5 of 26)

My Roman doctor told me I needed an IV.

I asked: “For what?”

In Ireland there is a tradition: a dying man may ask one last question, and it has to be answered truthfully.

Seamus was on his deathbed, and gathered around him were his wife and four sons. Three of his sons were fine, tall men but the fourth… wasn’t. Aiden was a bit scrawny and quite unlike his brothers in many other ways.

Seamus asks his wife: “Mary… I’ve not much time left. I want to ask you something that’s bothered me for many a day. Please tell me the truth… is Aiden really my son?”

Mary says: “Seamus, as God is my witness I swear on all that is good and holy that Aiden is indeed your child.”

With that, Seamus breathed a sigh of relief, and passed on peacefully. Mary closed his eyes, pulled the blanket over his face and thought to herself:

“Thank God he didn’t ask about the other three!”

With all the affordable and more-than-decent options nowadays, my brother advised me not to spend too much on a pair of headphones.

That’s pretty sound advice.

Statistics show that 1 in 5 men in a friend group are actually gay.

I don’t know about you, but I hope it’s Jason. He’s cute.

To whoever lost an iPhone 14 Pro Max outside the train station yesterday:

Can you please stop calling my new phone?

A hypersexual man who has four testicles goes into surgery to get one of his testicles neutered in order to lower his testosterone and calm him.

The surgeon starts the procedure. Midway through, he asks: “So, do you like dad jokes?”

The man, confused, replies: “What are you doing?”

The surgeon says: “Breaking the fourth ball.”

…

What’s blue and not very heavy?

Light blue.

Four cannibals apply for jobs in a big corporation. The manager is impressed with their credentials, and makes them promise not to eat anyone if he hires them.

The cannibals agree and get hired.

Everything is going well for a while, but one day the boss calls them into his office.

“You’re working well and all, but we’re missing a janitor. Do you have something to do with that?”

The cannibals swear that they are innocent.

The boss believes them and leaves the office. Their leader turns to his team and glowers at them.

“You idiots!” he screams. “Who ate the cleaner?”

One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand.

“You fool!” shouts the leader.

“For weeks we’ve been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers, and human resource staff, and now you go and eat someone they’ll actually miss!”

I met a genie once. He gave me one wish.

I said, “I wish I could be you.”

The genue replud, “Weurd wush but U wull grant ut.”