What do you call an argument between two vegans?
A plant-based beef.
Musings from Singapore
Category: Blog (Page 19 of 26)
My professor accused me of plagiarizing.
His words, not mine.
My girlfriend is fed up with my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, “How can I stop my addiction?”
“Whatever means necessary,” she replied.
“No it doesn’t,” I said.
I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing.
That’ll definitely spice up my autobiography.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
A woman called her husband on the phone.
Wife: “Our son called me a bitch today!”
Husband: “What! That little son of a bitch!”
According to my therapist, I have a mental block that makes me unable to verbalize my emotions.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
My grandfather died and I inherited some of his belongings.
He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.
For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops, looking for silly neckties with chickens on them for him to wear.
Over time, my grandfather had amassed several dozen neckties, each one with cartoonish images of chickens flying around, laying eggs, and doing other chicken things. I always complimented him on the newest addition to his collection.
When he died a couple of years ago, he bequeathed them to me in his will. When my grandmother handed me the bag full of them, my eyes welled with tears and I smiled thinking about my grandfather looking in the mirror and straightening his tie.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because the last time I tried to tell this to someone and I didn’t give context, they thought it was weird that I was so excited about inheriting my dead grandfather’s hen tie collection.
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