The Ordinary Singaporean

Musings from Singapore

Page 22 of 27

Dad Joke #30: Musical chairs (and tables)

I had a massive argument with my roommate about how to arrange the furniture of our apartment, each moving things around whenever the other wasn’t at home.

The main pieces of furniture in question were the coffee table and our respective work tables.

This went on for several days, and I was worried that it might affect my thoughts during an important upcoming business trip.

Thankfully, he stopped moving things around just before I left for my trip. I figured I’d won the fight.

Imagine my surprise when I returned to find everything in his preferred layout.

He sure turned the tables on me.

Losing my voice: not all that bad

The vocal equivalent of taking a slow drive.

I’ve been suffering from a bout of flu for the past week. Lots of coughing, phlegm, the works.

Yesterday, my throat decided it had had enough. It went kaput and took my voice with it.

I can’t exactly participate in conversations. Ordering things is nigh impossible. Hell, I can barely laugh.

(It comes out more like an anime villain’s “knowing chuckle”.)

And… I’m enjoying it quite a bit.


It’s curious. There’s a lot of noise in everyday life, and in order to not be forgotten, you have to speak up. Even for someone relatively quiet like myself, it’s just what must be done.

You get used to it. It becomes natural to just talk, sometimes for no reason other than to fill the silence.

(Or to make stupid and/or inappropriate jokes, in my case.)

And yet, being stripped of the ability to do so is almost… comforting.

I can concentrate better on what others are saying; think and ruminate on them a bit more, largely excused from having to reply cos it’s obvious that I’m not exactly able to at the moment.

When I want to withdraw and have my introvert moments, it’s a ready-made shield. “Sorry mate, better that I rest my throat.”

And the biggest difference: it’s just one less thing to worry about. I don’t have to think about what to say and how to say it.

It’s nice to have that load off my back for a bit.


I’m not trying to romanticize my plight – I’d much rather be able to talk. I’d much rather be able to sing my favourite songs.

But sometimes, silence truly is golden.

Dad Joke #27: Blurred lines

My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of tequila.

“You’re coming home now!” she screamed.

“No, I’m not,” I laughed.

She said, “I’m talking to the kids.”

Dad Joke #26: Choo choo

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

A realist just sees a tunnel.

The train driver sees three idiots standing on the train tracks.

Basketball! It’s back! (2019-20)

I don’t know what to do with my hands!

You’d think that, after about ten years of following the NBA, and actively writing (like, two or three pieces a week) about it for a couple years – shout out, The Pick and Roll – I’d be pleasantly looking forward to the new NBA season, but not necessarily overly-excited or anything.

You’d be dead wrong. I’m so stoked for it all to begin again, man. I can’t feel my face.

Why? You all know why

My reasons for excitement are the same as with just about anyone else. There are several good teams with reasonable claims to make it to the Conference Finals, and there’s every chance we get a Finals match up that we’ve never seen before. There is legitimate uncertainty (in a good way) again.

Can LeBron James and Anthony Davis string together enough healthy games to push the L.A. Lakers into the playoffs for the first time since 2013? How will a L.A. Clippers team that’s expected to at least make the West Finals respond to this newfound pressure and expectations?

I’m just gonna leave this here.

How many games before everyone forgets the Cleveland Cavaliers actually exist (I give it five games)? How many 3:30 am practices before Heat staff tell Jimmy Butler to quit acting hard and to come in at 10:00 am like normal folk?

I’ll never stop making fun of Jimmy Butler.

There’s just so much to get hyped about. I’m looking forward to the games, to the Zach Lowe pieces (serious or otherwise), to NBA Desktop, to my maiden attempt at Fantasy Basketball.

This is my team. Their name: The RockEm Siakam Robots.

And of course, I’m looking forward to seeing my Dallas Mavericks.

Let’s go Mavs

I wasn’t pleased with Dallas’ off-season dealings – they once again seemed like they were late to the party, missing out on multiple free agent targets and looking like fools in the process.

But for all of that, I’m still really excited to see how this team plays. Luka Dončić in year two will be a blast, and Kristaps Porzingis looked pretty good in preseason.

More of this, please.

Jalen Brunson is well on his way to being a larger, better J.J. Barea, and I hope we hang onto him forever. Maxi Kleber and Dwight Powell are underrated, top-shelf role players. Delon Wright will get a proper swing at a starting role, Seth Curry is back to light nets on fire with his shooting. Justin Jackson could grow into a quality wing.

The Accountant, Ryan Broekhoff, already started tallying the numbers in August.

I feel like making the playoffs is a realistic goal. The immediate post-Dirk era might not involve title contention, but it’s still a future worth caring about. Let’s go Mavs!

Predictions

I’ll end off with some picks.

MVP: Giannis Antetokounmpo
DPOY: Rudy Gobert
ROY: Zion Williamson
COY: Quin Snyder (I think Rick Carlisle stands a chance too)
6MOY: Lou Williams
MIP: Anfernee Simons
Leading scorer: Stephen Curry

Eastern Conference Finals: Milwaukee Bucks over Philadelphia Sixers
Western Conference Finals: L.A. Clippers over Denver Nuggets

NBA Finals: L.A. Clippers over Milwaukee Bucks

Most disappointing team: Brooklyn Nets
Most surprising team: Chicago Bulls


The NBA is finally back, guys.

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