Musings from Singapore

Author: Winston (Page 24 of 27)

I Really Like This Thing, Ep. 1: SHISHAMO

Music that speaks to the core.

This is a new series where I do my best to introduce something I, well, really like. They could be music bands, games – anything, really; the point is for me to just share. Worst case, you think my taste sucks. Best case, you learn about something cool.

First up: the Japanese three-piece band known as SHISHAMO.


I’ve been studying Japanese since 2014.

My maiden trip to Japan was in 2013. Having entered with zero expectations, I left with a newfound love for the country and its culture.

I took Japanese as a breadth subject when I started university the following year, and it’s gone on ever since.

I consumed my fair share of anime and manga prior to learning Japanese, but doing so opened up new avenues of understanding and appreciation of the language and its nuances.

It’s an ongoing thing – I’m never far away from coming across a new, amusing turn of phrase. For example, “I want to borrow a cat’s paw” ( 猫の手も借りたい ) means to be so busy that you’d like to get a cat to help. It makes sense in a tortured logic way, and the cute imagery helps to reinforce the memorization of the phrase.

Anyway, being able to understand Japanese lyrics (a little bit, anyway) opened up a whole new world of aural delights to me. I find myself discovering a new artist every couple months.

This journey more or less began with Perfume (who I’ll get into in a future edition of this series), but my favourite Japanese group is definitely SHISHAMO.

The members of SHISHAMO. From L to R: Matsuoka Aya (bass), Miyazaki Asako (guitar, vocals), Yoshikawa Misaki (drums)

A brief bio: SHISHAMO is a three-piece rock outfit from Kawasaki, a city located in the Kanagawa prefecture in Japan. Miyazaki and Yoshikawa formed the band in high school in 2010, with original bassist Matsumoto Aya. Matsumoto eventually left due to a promise she made to herself that she would leave the band upon turning 20. She was replaced by Matsuoka Aya.

(I know, the two bassists have VERY similar names. Very confusing.)

Confessions

Here’s where I out myself as a “fake fan”: I don’t know a lot of their history, I don’t actually follow every single they put out, and it was only through some light research for this post that I found out they’ve released five albums (and one Best Of) so far.

The Japanese music industry does seem a little archaic and difficult for non-Japanese (and for those living outside of the country) to really keep up with. I mean, CD releases are still major events! The rest of the world has pretty much moved on to streaming!

Tower Records is still a thing!

Anyway, I’m no expert (and I’m happy to be corrected). But, coming from a lazy Singaporean’s point of view, it’s definitely not easy navigating the Japanese music maze.

Connections

What I DO know, however, is that most of what SHISHAMO has made readily available to worldwide audiences (through its YouTube channel) has carved out an indelible place in my heart.

Their sad songs align with the exact flavour of melancholy I experience every now and then, providing a sort of kinship and understanding that is difficult or impossible to find elsewhere.

As for their more aggressive tunes: the anger stems from a specific brand of spite and pettiness that’s evocative of the childish outbursts of a teenager. It’s a raw kind of hurt, expressed in a petulant-but-ultimately-ineffective lashing out.

And that’s what I think forms the emotional backbone of their music: they sing for, and from the perspective of, a high school student. Every song is laced with a dash of youthful brashness, a measure of (over)sensitivity, and a (insert measurement term here) of insecurity, even as they grow older (the members are all 24 years old).

That combination speaks to me, and works almost like a reflection – even though they largely come from the point of view of a teenage girl.

Top tracks

Here are my top three favourite songs of theirs:

[With honourable mentions to 「水色の日々」(“Mizuiro no Hibi” / “Light Blue Days”) and 「ねぇ、」(“Nee,” / “Hey,”)]

「BYE BYE」

「BYE BYE」

「BYE BYE」 was the first song of theirs that I put on an indefinite loop; I don’t have many songs that I would ever listen to over and over again, back to back to back, but this was one of them. I still have a great time listening to this one every time, even after the freshness has long worn off.

It left an immediate impression due to it being the first song I heard from them that had any kind of edge to it – it was the first time I actually heard Miyazaki sing from a place of anger and defiance.

(I’m no expert on describing the music itself, but the driving bass line doesn’t hurt either.)

The lyrics speak of a person angrily imploring themselves to move on from a breakup, throwing barbs both at the ex and themselves. Pretty standard breakup song material, but the cherry on top is this part (I apologize in advance for any mistakes in translating, but I believe it’s generally correct):

あーあ 最後まで君はね
Ah, the you at the end
あーあ 知らないままだったよ
Ah, didn’t know
本当の私 知った気でいたでしょう?
Did you know the real me?
本当はいつも寂しかったし
I was always lonely
本当はもっと私笑えるし
I could really stand to smile more
空を飛んでる姿だって知らないでしょ?
You don’t know that you’re flying in the sky, do you?
なにも、知らないでしょ?
You don’t know anything at all, do you?

The drums and bass also cut out for this part, leaving just the guitar to howl out the greatest regret of the dead relationship – a lack of any real connection to begin with.

「私の夜明け」 (“Watashi no Yoake” / “My Dawn”)

「私の夜明け」

「私の夜明け」is more in line with most of their songs: soft, emotional, and containing a lot of self-criticism.

It’s perfect music for when you’re feeling sad and want to just dive deep into the gloom. That might not sound like it’s healthy, but I think it allows one to fully explore the misery and understand it. No feelings are buried and left to fester.

The song is basically a lamentation. Some unknown trigger brings about the self-hatred again, and every insecurity and dissatisfaction the author has with themselves is brought up:

もっと上手になりたいな
I want to be better
大切にしたりされたりとか
Or cherished
戦うことも逃げることも
Whether it’s fighting or running away
上手じゃないから後悔するんだろうな
I’ll regret it because I’m no good

As with 「BYE BYE」 , there is a highlight verse:

「なんで私ばかり」心のどこかでいつも思ってる
“Why is it only me,” I always think, somewhere in my heart
それでも人は言う 「辛いのはあなただけじゃない」
People say, “You’re not the only one who has it bad”
そんな言葉が聞きたいわけじゃない
I don’t want to hear such words
分かってるくせにな
Even though I know they’re true

Sometimes, who gives a shit that you’re not the only one who’s feeling down, or that there are people worse off. You’re unhappy, you need help; that’s all you care about in that moment.

But still, the song ends with a glimmer of hope:

それでも朝は来る
Still, when the morning comes
息をして、時々笑う
Breathe, laugh a little
ああ、まだ歩ける 歩いていける
I can still walk… I can still walk

Dive in, face your demons, and realize you can keep going after all.

「ほら、笑ってる」 (“Hora, Waratteru” / “Look, Laughing”)

「ほら、笑ってる」

We’ll end on a hopeful note.「ほら、笑ってる」is similar to 「私の夜明け」in that there are strong elements of insecurity and oversensitiveness. In this case however, they’re used as jumping off points to a more positive mindset.

いつもどこかで間違える
I’m always making mistakes somewhere
そんな自分が嫌だった
I hate that me
でも こんな私でも
But even for the me that is like that
ほっといてくれない人がいて
There are people who won’t abandon me
そんな人のために
For the sake of those people
笑っていたくて 走っていたくて
I want to smile and carry on running

This song reminds you that even in the times when you can’t seem to do anything right, there are people who’ll stick by you. Your closest friends, your family, your significant other – whoever they may be, you’re never alone, and you have much to continue to fight for.

I suppose it’s a bit of a cliched and sappy idea, but I don’t think that makes it any less true. It’s especially important to remember that when you’re feeling really alone in the world.

Also, the chorus:

奇跡なんて起きない
Miracles don’t happen
そんなことはもう分かってる
I know that well
でも 悲しくなんてないよ
But I won’t be sad
小さな幸せ あなたと数える
I’ll count all the small happiness with you
奇跡なんていらない
I don’t need miracles
そんなものよりキラキラしたもの
There are things that shine brighter than that
もう私はたくさん持ってる
I already have a lot
ほら、空も笑ってる
Look, the sky is smiling too

We shouldn’t always be looking for the next big break or a windfall of good luck. Miracles simply don’t happen; it’s more important to celebrate the blessings you already have.


What I like the most about SHISHAMO is that their songs don’t shy away from the selfish, petulant emotions we all feel when things aren’t going well. I think getting to understand those things about ourselves, rather than burying it deep inside, makes for better long term mental health.

As someone who’s always constantly dealing with loneliness, their music encourages me to see the bigger picture, but without invalidating or denying the emotions I feel, self-centered and narrow-minded as they may be.

They let me be me, while also helping me be better.

Dad Joke #15: Bees

I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many,” I said.

“That one is a freebie.”

Making the choice to do nothing

It’s harder than you think.

With this blog, I had planned to put out one post per week (not counting the dad jokes).

I say ‘had’, because I failed to put something up last week. I’d had a tough week, and although I still could’ve put something together, I decided not to.

… which was actually pretty tough. And here’s why:


1. Money

I can be a bit of a tightwad sometimes, especially with myself. I’m the kind of person who opens all the ASOS sales emails, puts a bunch of stuff on my wishlist, then closes the tab.

“Maybe later,” I’ll tell myself. But then the items inevitably go out of stock.

(That’s some money-saving life hacks there, btw)

The point I’m trying to make is, if I spend on myself, I try to get my money’s worth. This site cost money to put up, and even if it frankly isn’t all that expensive, I paid for it, goddammit.

2. Principle

Specifically, the principle of this whole affair. I made the decision to start up this site, and I finish what I start, for better or worse. My plate or rice bowl is always clear at the end of meals.

As a child, I remember being constantly chided for not finishing things I began. It has had some… leftover effects. I suppose it isn’t the worst habit to have had ingrained into me, but sometimes it does feel like baggage.

But anyway, there is that sense of responsibility to see something through.

3. Making up for lost time

I’ve moved real slow.

I spent my poly days doing the square root of nothing. School holidays were an unhealthy cycle of World of Warcraft, late nights, and bad diets.

I spent the first couple years of my work life trying to convince myself that writing wasn’t a viable full-time role.

I feel like I’ve been rushing the past couple years, to make up for all the time I’ve pissed away over the course of my life.

That kind of desire extends to this blog – I’d actually wanted to do this since around mid-2018, but didn’t even start till May this year. Now that it’s up, I want to at least make it something that breeds personal satisfaction. Neglecting it, even for just one week – feelsbadman.

‘Done is better than perfect’ is such a cliche, but I need to keep reminding myself of it. It can be tough sometimes, especially when I have my own personal standards and quality levels to live up to in my full-time job – it’s a delicate mental balancing act.


Maybe it’s an Asian thing, maybe it’s just the realities of wanting to build a comfortable future with my girlfriend, but I can never quite make myself completely relax anymore. I need that edge to keep pushing myself forward.

Deciding to not write last week hurt, and sometimes I wish it didn’t – but yet, I’m grateful it did.

What a terrible contradiction life is.

Dad Joke #14: Names

A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He got teased a lot at school.

Still, he grew up fine, eventually marrying his high school sweetheart.

When their first child was born, he let his wife name her. Inspired by Carol’s unique name, his wife named the baby girl ‘Love’.

Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Carol did, because of her strange name.

One day, she came home from school and screamed at her dad, asking why he gave her such a stupid name. Carol took the blame to protect his wife and apologized.

In a fit of rage, Love shot him in the chest with her dart gun and ran away.

Carol’s wife, who had been upstairs, came down to find out what the commotion was about. She saw him lying on the floor.

“What happened?!” she asked, running to him.

He waved her closer, and whispered, “Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame. Darling, you gave Love a bad name.”

Dad Joke #13: Costume party

A guy walks into a costume party carrying a girl on his back.

One party-goer asks him, “What are you dressed as?”

“I’m a turtle,” he replies.

Another party-goer asks, “Who’s that on your back?”

“Oh, that’s Michelle.”

The Toronto Raptors’ offseason brings up questions about fandom

The journey and the titles *both* matter.

It seems that any NBA fan would accept the end result of the Toronto Raptors’ one-season fling with Kawhi Leonard if it happened for their team.

A title in the bag, and that’s all he wrote. Kawhi is now on the LA Clippers, and he made his decision late enough in free agency that the Raptors didn’t have any real options to reload the team for a title defense.

(I mean, they’ve only added Stanley Johnson, Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, and Cameron Payne, the latter ‘good’ enough to be playing in Summer League at 25 years old.)

I’m not insinuating that Kawhi meant to do that; it just took time to make the Paul George deal work, that’s all. But given that it’s left the team as the lamest duck title defenders since the 2011-12 Dallas Mavericks, it’s pretty amazing that there hasn’t been much, if any, unhappiness with Kawhi.

And we all know why, right? Larry O’B.

If Masai Ujiri’s gamble didn’t end with the title, would Kawhi still be as beloved? Would losing in the second round to the Philadelphia 76ers in seven games have been enough? Or did they have to make it to the Finals? What was the minimum acceptable result?

We’ll never know for sure, but for the first time ever, we have a player leaving the defending champions on his own accord, and leaving them much poorer for it. And no one, not even Raptors fans, dislike him for doing so.

To be clear, I feel the same way. It’s just a little weird to me, is all.

I believe that this is us fans really internalizing everything the players keep saying in interviews (whether they all mean it or not). ‘Championship or bust’ is the general mindset these guys always espouse, and even though there are more than enough high-profile cases that prove otherwise (ahem, Carmelo Anthony), we still believe them.

Even to the extent of allowing our teams to be used as disposable vessels to get there.


Ask any fan, of any team or sport, what being a fan is about. It won’t be long before something along the lines of ‘sticking with them through thick and thin’ comes up. Thanks to the cyclical nature of sports, today’s world champion will inevitably become tomorrow’s basement dweller, sooner or later.

It’s a reflection on life itself. We have good times, we have bad times, and some of the best experiences are predicated on going through some tough periods. They go hand in hand.

It’s why we fall in love with flawed or limited players, and remember specific games during otherwise unsuccessful seasons. And all of these add up to an organic, (extremely) long-form narrative that makes us fans.

Because we can relate to that struggle for happiness, or that feeling of looking over one’s shoulder for the next catastrophe to come.

For Toronto fans, they have had all of that. The highs of Vince Carter and Tracy McGrady gave way to the lows of, um, Jason Kapono, before the Kyle Lowry-DeMar DeRozan teams flattered to deceive multiple years in a row.

And yet, Kawhi’s one and only season immediately trumped all of that. DeRozan, deified in the city around this time last year, has suddenly become that little bit less godlike.


Maybe both the journey, as a whole, *and* a title, are what matter. They go hand in hand. Maybe the players themselves are merely secondary details in the grand scheme of things, no matter how much we stan for individuals.

And maybe realizing that would reduce the hatred we dump on players requesting a trade or leaving in free agency, as long as they do it in good taste (ahem, Anthony Davis).

After all, they’re looking out for themselves. Same as the rest of us.

Dad Joke #12: Vets are expensive

A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary clinic. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry. Your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet.

“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$1,500!” she cried,“$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $1,500.”

Dad Joke #11: Prison

During a parole hearing:

Officer: Tell me, why should you be released early?

Prisoner: It’s becau-

Officer: Yes?

Prisoner: I think I hav-

Officer: Go on.

Prisoner: Can I please finish my sentence!

Officer: Sure, parole denied.

I met a friend I hadn’t seen in 4 years. I am grateful.

久しぶりね 。 / It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

“I might have a business trip to Singapore next week, wondering if you are up for a short meet up.”

July 2019 is a month of reconnecting.

I went overseas with my parents for the first time in… about a decade. I met an old ‘war buddy’ (long story) because I happened to be in the vicinity of her office after some work obligations. There are also upcoming meetups with friends I don’t see often, and I’m trying to set up a couple more.

The universe itself decided to put a cherry on top of the reunion sundae with the above message coming through on an otherwise unremarkable Tuesday night. This led to a catch-up with an old uni friend whom I hadn’t seen in four years (and hadn’t even been in contact with in any form for about eight months).

Our conversation flowed effortlessly, and it felt like any random dinner we used to have in Melbourne. ‘Feels like just yesterday only’, as she put it.

Different place, different time, but the exact same dynamics.

Personal mission

I think everyone agrees that friends like these are priceless gems, especially as we grow up and get busier with work and other #adulting responsibilities. Like it or not, we’re just not going to be able to keep up with everything that goes on with every friend we’ve ever made.

Sometimes that means friendships wither away, through no real fault of either party. But other times, it leads to pleasant reunions like the one I had – figurative time capsules that bring back what once was, like nothing ever changed.

Given the right circumstances, lightning in a bottle remains exactly that. We’ve just got to bring it out of storage every now and then to remember those special connections – which is what I’m aiming to do more of.

I’m a very private person. I’ve mentioned before about being an introvert, and I just generally don’t offer my time or effort to anyone I don’t think deserves it.

(That might make me sound real haughty, but it’s more about preserving my own energies than anything malicious.)

I do err too much on the side of caution, however. There are a fair number of people whom I wish I knew better or kept up to date with, and I’m making an effort to do so, now.


Gratia cantantes

I’ve been through some things in life that taught me to trust in no one by myself. There were some harsh times where the only instinct was survival, and I think it’s fair to say that some of that damage has never quite gone away, nor will it ever.

But I’m just trying to be better every day. And, ideally, I’d like to get there with a little help from my friends.

To those who have been around, thank you. To those that will enter, thanks in advance.

And I’ll do what I can to hold up my end of the bargain.

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